Ruben's Nuts
Ruben's Nuts is a member of the Radioactive Uber Clan; he is their "financial manager." Despite losing all his money due to his own incompetence, he manages to extort cash out of innocent (and not so innocent) people to fund projects for the Klan. He has magic "Nuts" that he can crack open to unleash magic powers or some shit. RUC's backstory He inherited his father's corporation of nuts or something like that. He was living like a billionaire and shit and slept with a bunch of chicks, spent his money on expensive shit, and had a bunch of butlers. Supposedly his management continued to keep the company fresh and successful. But all that changed when Ambush Bug decided to bomb his company for some reason and horrifically slaughter and murder his "employers" (hey, that's what it said on the wiki) and his wife... he had a wife even though he slept with a bunch of women. So he was recruited by Popeye because he saw "great strength" in him or some shit. Afterwards the wiki states that Ruben's Nuts wants to create a monoply to help people and keep everyone from being penniless (disregarding the fact that monoplies hurt workers and consumers alike) and will donate his shit to homeless children because he, like the rest of his Klan, are all goody goody dogooder "heroes." Real backstory It starts out pretty much the same, he inherits his father's billionaire company. However, the company did not prosper under his "leadership," he was unfathomably lazy and indulgent. He paid tons of women to sleep with him (while his wife was around even!), spent his money on a bunch of expensive shit instead of using it to pay his workers higher and to help the company, and he even abused his butlers (who were only working for him because he had so much money). But the major problem was his treatment of his workers, he paid his workers "wages" that would make the billionaire corporations of the Gilded Age feel ashamed. Eventually the workers had enough and attempted to persuade him to pay them higher wages, but to no avail. So as a last resort they ordered a strike. Feeling betrayed, Ruben's Nuts claims that he "treated them all so well, and this is how you repay him!?" Then he went mad and shouted "You have all become greedy demons who rape children and demand higher wages! You must be purged for the good of the Nuts!" And proceeded to pull out his father's shotgun and fire on the crowd, with no regard for the negative repurcussions that would occur. Not only did the strike put the company to a halt, but the massacre that occured appalled many officials, and the company was sued in consolation for the people that have lost family members in it. The company went bankrupt, and Ruben's Nuts went running off to avoid getting put into prison. He was eventually taken in and housed by Popeye, and joined the Klan as their financial manager. Ambush Bug was present at the strike, but wasn't a part of it; he went along on his way, but his presence caused the Klan to put the blame on him and make up this ridiculous story to put on their wiki. His Nuts So Ruben's Nuts of course has these weird magic nuts that he can use to summon meteors, tsunamis and shit. He can also eat them to "buff" himself with RPG-like stats. The RUC wiki claims he got his nuts from some Zulu tribe tree. Further investigation though shows that he actually conducted illegal experiments using kidnapped Aboriginals (the tribe is unknown, but they're definitely not Zulu) and processing them into the magic nuts he has. The process and procedure is still being investigated. Crashocalypse War During Ruben's Nuts was a general under Felix's command while they were pushing their influence to the West of the peninsula. He was in charge of subduing resistance from any of the cities the RUC has conquered or invaded. In one such city, he lead a force to take down Spot's small guerilla unit. When Steve came the all hell broke loose which forced Steve and Spot to retreat to the guerilla's hideout. It took a long while for the RUC to find their hideout, which was out in the open. Ruben charged in with some troops to corner Steve and Spot, who lacked healthy soldiers to fight them off. However, three followers Steve has managed to gather had been going around and recruiting soldiers for his army. They were lead to the city to reinforce Spot's guerilla unit and to ambush Ruben's unit from behind, forcing him to retreat. Not long after, he reported what happened to Felix, who decided to lead a siege on Steve's fort, along with Jafar who he was meeting with at the time. They failed miserably and retreated as soon as the last soldier fell, although the RUC has been painting over the actual events with lies that they had fought bravely to the very end before being forced to flee. Afterwards, the weekly all out kill slaughter prisoner brawl in the local RUCamp was about to take place. Ruben was dispatched to the camp to aid Bitch in preparing for the event. While that was happening however, Steve came into the camps and freed a rebel leader. Working together, they lead a raid on the camp which ended in Ruben retreating once again and Bitch's execution. Later, Ruben took charge of a distant weapons factory that the RUC managed to take control of to speed up production... unfortunately (or rather fortunately for everyone else) the RUC is too stupid to build working weapons, so they just used the ones that were already built by the previous owners. Under a request from the previous owner of the factory and current governer of the nearby city, Steve came to the factory, planted bombs, and notified the prisoner slaves to escape before detonating them. He did not do much else other than aid Felix in assaulting a village and attempting to frame Steve until... Demise He was ordered to slaughter a bunch of "demons" (aka the Damon population) living in an unnamed volcano. Steve's force caught wind of this when the "Powerpuff Girls" (aka RUC soldiers dressed as the PPG) came to threaten them to surrender lest Ruben slaughter the "demons." Thankfully, no Damons were slaughtered or hurt due to the fact that Ruben was shouting his intention out loud, which many of them heard, therefore they took to hiding before he entered. Hilariously enough only two soldiers that Ruben brought with him managed to survive until the end, the others were maimed, burned, scorched, drowned, or used as Ruben as meatshields or bridges. Steve caught Ruben deep inside the volcano. Ruben ordered the two soldiers he had left to attack him, but they charged the wrong way and fell into the magma. After some fighting Ruben's nuts were knocked out of his hands which fell into the massive pool of magma. He jumps into it to retrieve his nuts, and burns up in the process. The volcano was apparently disgusted by Ruben, and one can assume that it erupting was the volcano equivalent to vomiting. After Category:Radioactive Uber Clan Category:Members Category:Albertism Category:Capitalist Pig